I sat in R Kelly’s seat at the movies…

September 5, 2008 at 4:36 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 11 Comments

Let me describe what I would perhaps call the worst thing that could happen to a man in one day. First of all, I went to watch the Mama Mia Sing Along… all by myself. Do you know how awkward it is to be a full on woman loving dude and having to ask for one ticket to Mama Mia? I could not find a way to have those words come out of my mouth. So I told the girl working the counter, “Can I get one ticket to the (whispering) Mama Mia?” she replied with, “huh!?!?!?” Again I asked quietly, “one for Mama Mia,” she then screamed, “Oh, you wanna watch the Mama Mia sing along? Yeah, I got you… You just want one?” I just nodded my head. As she handed me my ticket she said, “Enjoy Mama Mia!!!” Did I believe she was mocking me? Yes… If there was no glass between us she would have received a kick to the shin.

 

Unfortunately my woes did not end there. I walk in the theater expecting a bunch of Broadway loving women ready to be annoyed by my singing for a radio gold bit… Instead I walked into a room with three college chicks and two old ladies. I decided that sitting near the old ladies would give me a better reaction because the young chicks looked like they wouldn’t pay me an attention. So I sat behind the old ladies with my lil recorder on my lap ready to do some singing. After a few seconds I felt that my pants started getting a bit damp. I figured that someone had spilled some water or soda on the seat and that it was no big deal so I changed seats. A couple of minutes later I realized that my pants were now what I like to call too wet for comfort. I got up from my seat and could clearly feel with my hands that it was drenched. So I did the good ‘ol “bend-over-smell-see”. I was convinced that the liquid was soda… but what kind of soda? I was hoping it was sprite because it’s not as sticky as coke… or at least that’s what I like to think. Well, instead of receiving wonderful soda smells a different smell entered my nostrils, it was a smell that I know very well thanks to Delilah… It was the unmistakable smell of what I like to call THE #1. Yup, I sat in pee not once, but twice. If I would have done it again I would have been 3 times a lady. We weren’t even at the first song yet and I was soaked in pee. So I naturally said, “Eww!” What did the ladies behind me do? The said, “shhhhhhh!!!!” At that point I decided that I would walk my pee butt out of there. The theater was very kind and apologized and even gave me my money back along with some passes.

 

In the parking lot I ran into another dilemma. What do I do to sit in my car? I don’t want pee seats in my car too. So I decided I would take my pants off. I put a gym towel on my seat and shielded myself from Peeping Toms the best I could. I haven’t taken my pants off that fast since High School Prom… haha, jk. So I drove home in my underwear repeating, “why me?” over and over again.

 

Dilemma number 4: Now that I arrived home I needed a way to get to my apartment. I decided the best solution would be to put pee pants back on and deal with the damp butt again. I tucked my gym towel in the back to cover the water mark and was on my way. When I walked in Keley Jo was sitting on the couch and asked how the movie was and as I walked straight to my room I replied with a, “it was wet.”

 

Moral of the Story: Keep your gym towel in the car incase you sit in pee at the movies and have to take your pants off and drive home like a perv (if you’re a dude) or like a hottie (if you’re a woman). I also think I sat in R Kelly’s seat at the movies.

 

– J-Pee… I mean, J-Si

 

WORD!!!!!

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11 Comments »

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  1. Oh, that is too gross. Isn’t that a biohazard or something?

  2. That is really disgusting!! Who would do that?!!

  3. J-SI! I was laughing so hard when I was listening to you talk about your “problem” this morning…sorry about the movie seat! Haha well it is a story to remember 😀
    xoxo evs

  4. What the hell……..JC, what happened to the Chargers…….ugh I needed them to beat the Panthers to shut up my husband…….oh don’t feel bad my Jags lost also….crazy football weekend…….

  5. Laughing my head off! That is so hysterical, but I guess it isn’t that funny if you’re the one sitting in pee. Thanks for the laugh though.

  6. Oh eewwww! These moments follow you everywhere you go J-Si!!

  7. That is quite possibly the most halarious story I have heard in a very long time. I love you to death, but that is great. Can we just call you Mr. Pee-Pants now???

  8. OMG JC!!!! That happened to me at the planatarium in Ft. Worth one time!!!!! I thought I was gonna die, had to ride home the same way you did, luckily the guy I was dating had a coat and I wrapped it around my waist to get out of the planatarium. I didn’t even ask for a free ticket, I just wanted to get out of there without anyone thinking I pee’d on myself!!! I SO Feel your pain!!!!

  9. Why didn’t you just put the gym towel down in the seat in your car?

    Always carry a towel and some sort of water, and a change of clothes. Those baby wipers are great as well…they take off everything including grease!! Never know when you’re gonna need them.

    As much as tickets to the movies cost I’d be very upset!! Hope you didn’t buy popcorn and a coke..

  10. You are to crazy!!

  11. I threw up in my mouth a little – don’t worry I swallowed it back down so no one would step in it.

    word to ur mama


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