My girlfriend is weak : )

August 28, 2008 at 5:16 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments

I am finally done with moving!!!! Yay!!!! Unfortunately I have realized that I need new furniture. Kinsey’s sister moved here and bought a brand new bedroom set… so now Kinsey thinks we need a new bedroom set… we also need a computer desk… and we also need a coffee table. I HATE BUYING THINGS!!!! I was super close to buying my I-Mac too. I will just have to put it off.

 

Anyways, yesterday was the “J-Si, you move everything heavy” day. I have two girls and me… unfortunately all my friends work during the day. So Kinsey and I decide to move our bed first. All we gotta do is go up two flights of stairs. The bad news bears is that we just invested in a new bed… a big new bed. The bad thing about a mattress is that they are floppy and tough to get a grip on (that’s what she said). So while carrying the bed I instructed Kinsey to tell me when she needed a rest, which was about every 1.23 feet, and we would little by little get it up to our new apartment. Then we arrived at the stairs… based on Kinsey’s face you would think we were about to climb Mount Everest. Nope, we were only going up two flights of stairs that totaled about 20 steps. By the midway point of this huge mountain, which we will call Mt. Escaleras, Kinsey had already slammed into the wall, hit her ankle on a step, and hit her forehead (I have no idea how). We at that point decided to switch places. Now I was pulling the bed up the stairs with some push from Kinsey. On one of our little attempts Kinsey all of a sudden let go causing me along with the bed to fall forward. In result I have a pulled muscle in my back and a sweet bruise on my butt.

 

At that point I had to make the very difficult decision to release Kinsey from the “J-Si heavy stuff moving” team. I decided to call Paul and have him come in relief… we rocked it… if by rocked it you mean we complained about how doors should be built to allow easy access with couches, and how much our fingers and forearms hurt. I give mad props to those movers out there. I am going to make a DVD workout based on moving furniture… BRILLIANT!!!

 

Moral of the story:       Kinsey = not strong              J-Si = kinda strong : )

 

Statistics from the move: Kinsey and J-Si fights/arguments: 23.5

                                         Amount of time spent moving: 3 days

                                         Amount of time J-Si spent moving: not enough

                                         Injuries: 8 (3 for me) (5 for Kinsey)

                                         Curse words used: 1,293.83344

                                         Times Delilah peed in the new house: 4

                                         

 

WORD!!!!

 

 

 

I have the best luck in the world… not really

August 25, 2008 at 3:10 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments

Let’s talk about a couple of disasters that happened to me over the weekend:

 

1. I woke up on Thursday morning with a super swollen check. I already have chubby cheeks so now I looked like a hamster on steroids. My extensive training in the medical field led me to believe that this was not good at all… mostly due to the pain I was feeling. I had a dentist appointment already set up because I needed to follow up on some teeth issues after my surgery, but the appointment was not until this Thursday. So I called the dentist office and told them I was kneeling over in pain. They were able to move up my appointment but she said they would not be able to do much until Tuesday… yup, tomorrow. So I pretty much had to load up on pain killers all weekend long. Then I got “the call” on Saturday. My friend had scored tickets to Linkin Park… I freaking love those guys!!!! So now I had to find a way to be functional during the concert because there is no way I could walk around on pain killers, even though I would probably fit in a little better with the crowd, so I stopped the usage early that afternoon.

 

Unfortunately my toothache came on full force. So Paul and I decided to stop by a Wallgreens in the hood because that’s how we roll. I wanted to pick up a wonderful product called Anbesol which happens to be an over the counter oral anesthetic. Unfortunately I didn’t know that I would require scissors to cut open the top of the tube. It’s all good though, I got teeth… no worries!!! One of the warnings in the back is not to use more than the recommended dosage… I have no idea what the recommended dosage is, but I do know that you only need a tiny bit and it does the job.

 

I decided to carefully open the tip with my teeth, but it wasn’t working one bit. I needed to bite harder. I still had no luck so I squeezed with all my might and used my super  sweet strong molars opposite to my jacked up tooth area. While pulling with all my might I finally reached my goal. The tube was open… and the little plastic cap along with about 3/4 of the anesthetic was in my mouth. I was now freaking out because I thought I had just poisoned myself. I didn’t want to spit it out because I wanted to see if I could somehow salvage it. I didn’t realize that while thinking of what to do the medicine would start doing its effect. Within a minute the entire inside of my mouth was numb and I could not find a way to get rid of the numbness so I said, “oh well, lets just move on.” I totally lost all control of my speech. I think I sounded like the brother from There’s Something About Mary. I then thought that if I drank some water I would start feeling something… nope, every time I put water in my mouth half of it would find its way out and get all over my shirt, and top things off I started drooling on myself without even knowing about it because I didn’t want to swallow due to the horrible taste in my mouth and I couldn’t explain myself to people because I couldn’t talk right. I finally decided to go sit in the bathroom for a while rinsing my mouth out hoping it would simma donnah. I finally got to the point where I stopped drooling involuntarily and I got to watch Linkin Park. Shout out to Paul for getting me a “drool cup”.

 

2. I girl in my apartment complex kicked my lil dog Dex because he growled and showed his teeth to her 40 pound bulldog. By the way my dog is about 5 pounds. She acted as if my dog was a pit bull on a killing spree. So I said, “Hey!!! You don’t do that!” I actually wasn’t there but Kinsey came running in with Dex in her arms and he had a little blood in his mouth. She told me a girl kicked him and was down on the street, so I went down there. This girl genuinely felt that my little Chihuahua could kill her bulldog. It blew my mind… and she didn’t apologize. I didn’t really know what to do since I have never wanted to or felt the need to hit a woman, but I was so upset. I was more upset than the time my mom told me I was told old to wear a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt… 24 is still young in my book. Anyways, I walked up and kicked her in the shin and said, “How does that feel. In your face foolia!” (That’s the feminine version of fool). Ok I didn’t kick her, but she really deserved it. Yeah, my dog wasn’t on a leash, but he was just walking down the hall with Kinsey. People are so stupid sometimes. Maybe her dog will bite her and karma will get her good. That was rock my face off.

 

Moral of the story: Don’t take Anbesol if you are an imbecile and don’t kick my dog because the free no kick coupon was used yesterday.

 

WORD!!!!

Looks like some drinks Hateraide…

August 14, 2008 at 4:28 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 34 Comments

Umm… so my favorite video game of all time came out on Tuesday and I still have not bought it. Ladies, this may make me a boyfriend hero for delaying the “Madden Widow” syndrome with Kinsey. Fellas, I am sorry and I promise I have a good excuse to why my man card should not be revoked. In fact I have a few reasons. Why? Well, because I am a dude and that’s what we do… we make excuses… it’s the only thing we are good at… not really. Here we go.

 

1. My wisdom teeth surgery accidentally took 22.384% of my wisdom, thus preventing me from remembering that glorious date.

 

2. Kinsey said “no!” I said, “But…” and she said, “Final answer.” Battle lost. Women prevail.

 

3. I accidentally gave out my bank info to a French tattoo parlor that stole my identity and caused me to be denied… even at 7-11 while trying to purchase my healthy dinner of beef jerky with a side of beefstick and cheese.

 

4. I spent all my money on Alicia Sacramone paraphernalia including bobble head dolls and “Alicia is my Sista” foam fingers.

 

5. I did get it but my dog ate it… haha, that rhymes. I should make it into a song.

 

So… yeah, all that really for reals happened and I am heartbroken so please send your “J-Si Madden Foundation” donations to the studio. You could help a young man in need… I also still can’t figure out how to connect my PS3 to the internet or use my Ipod… I suck. Yay me!!!!

 

Moral of the story: the internets suck! Oh, and beefsticks with cheese are delicious : )

 

WORD!!!!

 

 

Now I would like to put a DB on blast really quick:

 

I just happened to come across this message left to me by a certain “T-Weezy” that read as follows:

 

1.      Your blog’s are absolutely worthless; I’ve read two of them and they’re the most moronic recount of one’s day through the eyes of a frieken 4 year old. I thought you had to be at least 21 to be a damn DJ, but you son are a VJ! I still can’t understand you not putting your hands on some dude for putting his hands down your GIRL’s PANTS! Chicken_ _ _ t. fill the blanks homeboy.

Comment by T-Weezy — May 25, 2008

Wow!!! Don’t we all love haters? I decided to do a little response to this imbecile that goes as follows:  

 

Dear T-Weezy,

 

A. If you are gonna call me a 4 year old, please don’t spell like one. The word is spelled “freaking”.

 

B. Thank you for reading my blog.

 

C. You know where this chicken_ _ _ _ works so you can go ahead and say it to my face : ) Or are you the chicken?

 

D. I’m not your homeboy.

 

E. VJ’s are people who are on TV and I would love to do that someday so thank you for the compliment.

 

F. You can be any age to be a DJ. Ryan Seacrest was 15 when he started.

 

G. I did put my hands on him… I just value my job and my friendship. It takes a real man to hold his cool.

 

7. If you are such a man, why did you decide to remain anonymous and not leave an email? Yup, no answer. But I do expect you to respond because you are an awesome avid J-Si blog reader.

Guess who lived?!?!?!?!

August 11, 2008 at 4:14 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Well, good news is that I survived my first ever operation. Bad news, I was out of it all weekend. I couldn’t drive anywhere because driving under the influence of pain killers is frowned upon by the law. I couldn’t eat any of my favorite foods because I have four huge holes in my mouth. I couldn’t watch movies because I had an attention span of 15 minutes and 23.2 seconds, or I would fall asleep thanks to my good friend Hydrocodone.

 

I will say this… my thoughts shifted from dying to adult internet superstar before my surgery because Kinsey put a thought in my head. She said, “Did you know that sometimes while patients are sleeping the doctors or nurses will take their pants off and take pictures?” I had not heard of such things so now I am thinking this could happen to me. This is the reason we were late to my appointment. I turned the car around (we were just outside the apartments complex) and drove back up to my apartment and switched into a brand new clean pair of underwear… just in case. The ones I had on weren’t too bad, but I wanted some super dooper clean ones because that’s how I roll. If I am going to be taken advantage of, I want to look good. I also was afraid to pee my pants but decided that if I wore adult diapers I would not look super cool for my “Dentist’s Patients Gone Wild While Out Cold” photo shoot.

 

The rest of the weekend was a blur but I did watch three movies and I will rate them accordingly. Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay: it was funny, but moved slow at times. Neil Patrick Harris dies… sorry if I spoiled it for you. I give it two brown chickens and one brown cow. The Simpsons Movie: I enjoyed it… I am not very sure about showing Bart’s doodle though… that was weird. I give it two brown chickens and two brown cows. PS- I Love You: cool if you are a chick… I wanted someone to shoot me and put me out of my misery. I didn’t really get half the movie because I decided to only pay attention every 3 minutes, my attention was shifted over to a game I bought for my phone that I was discretely playing before Kinsey caught me and kicked me on the wrist. It gets one brown chicken brown cow. That is all.

 

In other news: Apparently I called Kidd after my surgery when I was still out of it and asked him if he wanted to grab a beer.

 

Moral of the Story: don’t let your friend dial while under anesthesia, and adult diapers can prevent you from being embarrassed while surgery is performed : )

 

WORD!!!!!

My last day may be tomorrow : )

August 7, 2008 at 4:35 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 19 Comments

I will be having my surgery tomorrow and have decided to take care of some things just in case so here it goes:

 

My will is final and there will be no changes. It will only take effect if I J-Si happens to move on to greener pastures during or after my surgery which at this point gives me a 50/50 survival rate according to me. I would like to say that all of my good friends have been included and if you were not and I forgot to give you something… then we were not very good friends were we?

 

I will now begin…

 

The guitar I used to perform Hey Miss Kinsey will go to: the Museum of Broadcasting because nobody else deserves it.

 

My flat screen TV given to me by Kidd will go to: British Guy Jack because I heard everything in England is smaller… everything : )

 

My couches will be given to: Kinsey. It will be easy for her to remember me that way because I was told to sleep out there so often that my smell along with Delilah’s pee will never come off.

 

All my clothing will go to: Andrew because he is already trying to be me… and it would be funny as hell to see him try to fit into my shirts and jeans.

 

My apartment will go to: Big Al because he needs a new place and he would love to live with Kinsey and her sister who is moving in next week… rent, bills, food, and sexy time not included. Sorry. For a bonus I will throw in my Speedo so you can do bits in it and have me there in spirit.

 

My sailor costume will go to: Shanon… I am sure she will find someone who will find good use for it… and she likes free clothes.

 

My computer will go to: Dianthe… sorry it’s slow and the D key doesn’t work so your name will not be Ianthe.

 

My CD of me doing jokes will go to: Kellie because she is the only one in this room who understands talent… it will also be signed with a head shot.

 

Last but not least, the rockband video game will go to: my buddy Paul because he is already borrowing it and I don’t want him to go through the hassle of packing it up.

 

Oh yeah, and Kidd… you can have my collection of plastic bottles… I don’t know if I will have time to wash them.

 

I want to be buried with my PS3 along with my collection of Madden and my car… so no coffin will be necessary and please do it in my favorite city in KansasWichita, or LaDainian Tomlinson’s backyard.

 

Wish me luck!!!! haha, OLIVE!!!!

 

WORD!!!!

Tough bouncers rule…

August 5, 2008 at 12:33 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Guess who has two thumbs and is super duper scared this week? This guy!!! And yes I pointed at myself. My surgery is on Friday to get all of my wisdom teeth removed. It is a crazy nutty countdown.

 

I normally don’t use my blog to complain… but today I will. I will go ahead and say that about 87% of the people I met in Denver are jerks. We decided to check out a “popular” club in downtown Denver because we wanted to take in the city. We arrived at a pretty average looking club with the skinniest bouncer I have ever seen in my life… oh, and he had a sweet pony tail too. I hope that guy is a triple black belt with secret ninja moves. This guy looked like if a fight broke out he would turn into one of those crazy arm inflatable arm men that the “crazy cat lady” neighbor puts out in her yard to scare her cats from trying to escape her home. Anyways, as we walked up to the dude he looked us up and down as I handed him my ID. He then asked if we were all out of town, so I said “yup.” He then said asked why we were in town so one of my friends told him we were radio DJs and were in town for a convention. He then gave us all another look up and down and said, “well guys, this is a very exclusive club… you may want to head on over to the Irish Pub down the street.” So I looked at him and said, “Why is this dump too exclusive for us?” He then replied with, “because I don’t like your shoes and I don’t think you guys make enough money.” I came back with, “oh, and this is coming from the guy making about 8 bucks an hour.” This had now become a full blown battle of words, the tiny bouncer then said, “at least I can afford shoes.” So I said, “that’s good buddy, but that made no sense.” He then arrogantly looked down at my feet and said, “Oh, I didn’t know DJ’s could afford shoes.” My friends and I all started laughing and so I said, “I didn’t know they let 12 year old girls work the door at the ‘most exclusive’ club in the world.” He came back with, “I am clearly not a 12 year old girl.” We started walking away because two dudes were walking out to see what was up and he proceeded to say, “I don’t want to see you guys near my club ever again.” So I turned and yelled, “You don’t own the club and we don’t live here moron…” Oh, and by the way… the club was empty… and it was 11pm. That’s how exclusive the club was, nobody could get in.

 

Speaking of little girls… I saw two girls around 10 years old who happened to be twins wearing some crazy t-shirts. The shirts read as following: 1. Too Naughty For You and 2. Single and Ready to Mingle. WOW!!!!

 

Moral of the story: Denver bouncers are little and have an attitude… and sweet pony tails.

 

WORD!!!!

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