OUCH!!!!!!!!!!

July 28, 2008 at 3:28 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

So Freddy’s show was awesome. He sounded great with the live band. You know why I hate going to concerts? Because after watching them perform I always get this “I want to start my own band and sing in front of tons of people” mentality. Unfortunately I am not much of a singer or composer of melodies. Maybe I can just be a bass player for some band because that is the easiest instrument to learn from what I have heard.

 

Bad news about that night: Paris Hilton didn’t come to town so we were not able to have our double date with Benji and Paris… bummer!!! That night ended with a random girl attempting to give Kinsey a hickey on her chest. It was one of those “should I stand here and watch” or “should I pull her off my girl… even though my manstincts (that is guy instincts for you new readers) tell me not to”. I decided to go with “this will sort itself out on its own” solution. Kinsey wasn’t very happy, but luckily the hickey did not stick. Seriously though, who tries to give a random person of the same sex a hickey at the club?

 

That was it for my weekend… the next day I ran out of pain medicine and I decided to curl up on the couch pondering why God would make such a horrible pain exist in one’s mouth where no pressure can be used for good. I spent the rest of my weekend sleeping in 20 minute increments because that is the amount of time the pain gave me to chill. Have you heard of the song “Killing Me Softly”? Well, it is the complete opposite. I think that if someone really wanted to torture a human they would find a way to expose every nerve in the mouth region of the body.

 

In other news: Kinsey’s hairstylist found a white hair… I told her that it was probably a really, really blonde hair. She replied with, “I don’t grow really, really blonde hair.” I then told her, “well, then you are just getting old.” She kicked me. I kicked back. Dex bit my foot. The end.

 

WORD!!!!!

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Movies are bad news bears…

July 24, 2008 at 4:46 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

I watched Step Brothers!!! But first, has anyone felt like the movie theater is out there just to straight up do the backwards Robin Hooding? How am I going to pay 8 dollars for candy only to find out I could have bought a large pizza for three more dollars? Crazy huh? I would like to make a rule. Take your bank account info to the movies and they will charge you accordingly. If you are rich you will pay 10 dollars for sour patch kids. If you are poor like someone who rhymes with J-We then you will pay market price. It’s so crazy that it may just work. They can keep their inflated ticket cost the way they are, but seriously 8 dollars for sour patch kids and some recess pieces is almost murder… and I would hate to be killed by a sour patch kid because they are sour at first and sweet later… but if I am dead they are only sour which means it was a double sour patch kid and when it became sweet he had to hide my body but was too remorseful so it turns itself in and gets eaten by big Ronnie in cell block 21.

 

Other than that the movie was hileri-I, that means better than hilarious. I don’t want to give anything away but if you like Talladega Nights you will like this movie. But I will tell you my favorite line of the movie and it goes like this:

 

Will Ferrell has just sang to John C and is waiting for approval

John C Reilly: I can’t even look at you in the eyes

Will Ferrell: what?

John C: your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus

 

HAHA!!!!

 

In other news… Kinsey has not forgiven Paul yet. Dex pooped on my Ikea carpet. Delilah peed inside my gym bag. That is all.

 

WORD!!!!

My head is laughing at me…

July 22, 2008 at 4:37 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Oh, man is my life as awkward as when I was 13 years old and my arms and legs were way too long for my body and I ran like a wounded deer. So I got my BFF and girl beefing with each other. Both said some bad things which puts me in the middle. Why cant life just be easy. I guess this is what makes peoples relationship stronger… or it can break it. If it goes down to it I would have to stick with Kinsey… fortunately she is not that type of person and does not put ultimatums on me. However, it would make it difficult to hang with my boy if my girl doesn’t want to be around.

 

Fortunately he did the right thing and sent an apology to her… was it genuine? I would say that it definitely was. I just hope she accepts it so everything can be cool again. Plus we got a pretty huge football game on Thursday and I don’t want it to be awkward. Here is the thing, people will judge and that is understandable… but don’t we all make mistakes? I sure as heck do. Good news it that everything will be fine… we just have to wait and let it all pass.

 

In other news, I am super addicted to that MOB game on myspace. I can’t stop playing it. I just want to be the best at one thing on myspace… it will take me a while but I know I can do it… cause I’m awesome!!!! 

 

Todays J-Si quote of the day: “Stuff is like peanut butter… nutty… Ha!”

 

WORD!!!!

 

 

J-Si Spanish word of the day compliments of my myspace buddy Raymond is “RECTUM”

 

Example: “I had some awesome low riders with dubs on them, but mi vieja RECTUM both!!! Ay ay ay”

My million dollar idea of the day…

July 18, 2008 at 5:15 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments

Umm… I probably played in the worst butt kicking of all time yesterday in my football league. I don’t get it. We have awesome athletes on our team and we get blown out. You know what I hate about sports? When you get your butt handed to you and you spend the rest of the night thinking of what you should have done to prevent it… and its just flag football!!!!! Haha. Oh well, I guess you need a good butt kicking to wake you up sometimes. Other than that my day was great!

 

I did witness the most incredible thing though: Super athletic girls who were just as good at football as guys!!! This was the greatest thing in the world. I will be honest and tell you that I have believed that guys will always be better in co-ed sports than women. I was proved wrong yesterday. My co-ed league requires three girls on the field out of 7 players at all times… these girls had 5 girls and 3 guys. The other team had a two guy advantage and still lost… plus they had a girl playing QB. It blew my mind in a good way. I could not leave the field because I wanted to watch these girls play. Then I started thinking that these girls should have super athlete babies with other pro athletes… it would be crazy!!! I am going to start my own business called “J-Si’s Awesome Super Athlete Creation” also known as JASAC. I would charge professional athletes to pair them up with super athletic girls for baby making purposes… I would also be appointed sports agent for these super athlete kids. Does my idea sound stupid? Yes, but I put the J in Jenious.

 

Moral of the story: I am going to be rich because I play flag football.

 

WORD!!!!

 

OHHHHHHH, and if you missed the “Olive” joke here it is:

 

Airlines make me super duper mad…

July 16, 2008 at 4:47 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

I had a great time yesterday hanging out at the airport… for almost 4 hours!!! Yup, Kinsey came home yesterday. She was supposed to come home around 8 so I showed up right at 8 because I was pretty excited to see her. Unfortunately 9 pm came through and nothing… then 10… then 11, still nothing. I finally decided that her flight probably got canceled again and she had no way to get a hold of me due to the whole being in another country obstacle. As I was making my mind up to leave my phone rang… YAY!!! It was my mom and she wanted to tell me about some video she watched about a dog that ate a fly and he spit it out and the fly flew away. I told her, “duh mom, that’s why it’s called a fly… because it flies.” So after having the oh so very intriguing conversation about the wonders of life and how to survive in a dogs mouth my call waiting rang… YAY?!?! Nope, it was my sister telling me how bored she was with moms story so she went to her room. We both laughed and I clicked back over. Then my mom was telling me about how one time my dad ate a fly but it ended up being chocolate and my call waiting rang again… YAY?!?!?! This time it was Kinsey!!! She had finally landed after traveling for well over a day. Apparently her plane was on time but had to circle for over an hour due to weather, then it was running out of gas so they had to fly to a near by city with good weather and land the plane, re-fuel it, and then sit in the plane for another hour because they had to wait for the weather to clear.

 

So why didn’t she call me to let me know this when she was in that other city for an hour? Well, that would be because she accidentally packed her phone in her luggage which happened to be in a very tough to get place… that’s what happens when you check bags in. Good news is that she made it home and everything seems to be all good in the hood. It was a bit dangerous driving home though. No, not because of the weather; Kinsey wanted to show me every single picture while I was driving… not very smart to do. I then enjoyed another hour of pure loving… if by loving you mean looking at the rest of her pictures and listening to stories about the trip. After that the real loving began… if by real loving you mean Dex and I passed out on the bed while she called all her friends to catch up : ) It is awesome to have her back though.

 

Moral of the story: A fly is able to survive in a dog’s mouth and live to tell about it… or have your mom tell you about it.

 

WORD!!!!

Hola again!!!!

July 14, 2008 at 1:17 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Back from vacation!!!! Definitely had some fun but going to LA was not what it looks like on TMZ.com. I did spend half my vacation at a friend’s beach house though… it was awesome. So before I go on to my celeb spotting story I will lead into this hilarious event that happened: So I was sleeping on the couch at my friends house because that’s how I roll, and it was one of those leather/pleather type of couches that stick to your skin and rip it off when you try to get up. Anyways, my head could look directly into the kitchen right where the fridge was… actually my eyes could look in there, my head just hooks my eyes up with direction. So during the middle of the night I hear someone in the kitchen so I turned my head to find out who it was. To my surprise I found my friend’s girlfriend standing there… all I could see was her profile and that the fridge was wide open. She wasn’t even looking in the fridge… just standing there looking at the wall. So I asked, “What are you doing?” She just turned her head and stared blankly at me. She then said, “I am making a sandwich.” I said, “Ok, cool.” She then proceeded to nonchalantly take off her shorts, which by the way were the ones women call “booty shorts”, I own a couple of them myself. This is when it became awkward because she was now only wearing a shirt. So I said, “Um, you don’t have to be naked to make a sandwich,” she proceeded to reply with, “I just want a sandwich.” She stood there and again stared blankly at me and out of nowhere walked back to the refrigerator and sat inside it. This made everything even more hilarious due to the lighting that the fridge supplied. So she sat there for a couple of minutes repeating the phrase, “I’m just sitting… just sitting…” So I said, “Yes, you are sitting naked inside the fridge.” I was way too tired to get up so I just said, “goodnight ant turned over.” Then I got the “someone is staring at me” feeling so I look towards the end of my pullout bed and she was just standing there. At this point I asked the first question that came to my mind: “Are you going to kill me?” and “are you going to put your pants back on?” She then just turned around and walked away leaving behind a very freaked out J-Zizzle and an open fridge door.

 

Now, lets move on to my celeb sighting. So Paul and I went paparazzi hunting… We found none. Everywhere we went in Hollywood had no paparazzi. We looked in bushes, trees, dumpsters… nothing. So we gave up and went to DJ AM’s club where we stumbled across none other than (drum roll) Tara “the Train Wreck” Reid!!!! Boy did she look tore up from the floor up. She was wearing a tank top that showed her mid drift. We tried to get close to her but some weird dude had her on lock… then she went and tried to break dance with some dudes that were breaking it down… we laughed. Then she gave about 2,291 high-fives to some very unimpressed girls… So we decided to leave. As we walk out we notice a celeb Suburban with the tinted windows, a bodyguard looking typed dude, and our first paparazzi spotting. So we were thinking some cool person showed up… nope, Tara walked out right behind us but we saw this as an opportunity to talk to her and maybe hang with her and her group. She gave us the Heisman by saying, “I gotta go don’t want the paps to bug me.” Ok, 1. There were only two 2. They were not even trying to shoot C. She treated us as if we were 100 people trying to get her autograph. So Tara to you I say “BOOOOO!!!!!!” We didn’t want to hang out with you… but we would have if you would have asked us… I wouldn’t have enjoyed it though… but not very much.

 

Moral of the story: sitting in the fridge while sleepwalking is fun : )

 

WORD!!!!

 

 

Follow-up: Sorry I left ya’ll hanging… Yes I did tell her and she was mortified!!! But, I was half asleep anyways so I told her it was all good. Here is a picture of me re-enacting the scence the next day:

 

I own Natasha Bedingfield!!!!

July 1, 2008 at 4:27 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 16 Comments

Guess what I found yesterday?!?!?! I found Delilah’s secret “I stole Kinsey’s underwear and ate the crotch part” stash under my bed… I noticed Delilah running around with something in her mouth and realized it was not a toy so when I gave her the “you are in trouble” tone of voice she ran, so followed, and I struck gold. Unfortunately this caused some problems for Delilah yesterday when it came to going potty time. If you think dogs are gross you may want to skip the next couple of lines. Ok, I will continue: Apparently Delilah had some problems digesting the cloth and clogged her up a bit so she was walking around with what appeared to be a t-shirt/poo sticking out of her butt. GROSS!!! Is this what having kids is going to be like? I hope not. I had to do the pulling things out a few times during the day… by a few times I mean every time she had to go out.

 

Fast forward to 3 am. Delilah gets down from the bed and goes to grab a drink and comes back in the room and goes back to sleep… a few minutes later I smelled something. Oh yes, she had one of those poo shirts sticking out of her butt again and she got in bed which created a feeling of puke time. I am pretty sure Dex gagged too and I don’t know if dogs can even gag due to smells due to the crazy amount of time they spend sniffing each other. So I had to do a load of laundry and go to work. Problem is that I hate doing laundry, and am not very versed in that art form so for all I know I somehow flooded my house and there is a Mexican Club Foam party with a wet collar contest going on in my place with Dex and Delilah. Sorry about the gross story… I can’t help owning two dogs that do a lot of pooping.

 

In other awesome news I now own Natasha Bedingfield… In your face Big Al Mack!!!!

 

 

 

Moral of the Story: I hate my dogs today… and I own Natasha.

 

WORD!!!!!!

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