Blood is gross…

March 31, 2008 at 3:52 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Crazy weekend… so crazy that J Zizzle had to take Saturday off. Yup, and I did it voluntarily, not because Kinsey wanted to, or because my mom thinks I “party hardy” too much, or because my dog broke her leg for the 13th time this year, or because I got peanut butter stains on my favorite shirt and was too depressed to go on so I ate the entire tub of it… I simply just stayed in and rested.

First let me take you back to Friday. Kinsey and I met up with Uncle Daddy, Big Al, and Redneck Steve at a club. Everything was great… there were some dudes break dancing on the dance floor, and they were really good too. I would have gone up in there but I pulled my lumbrical muscle that just so happens to be connected by my tendon of flex (thank you anatomy and physiology book from college), and ummm also pulled my yesebilia cortex doblemata (thank you incredible brain that allows me to make up words that sound really smart). Anyways, I just didn’t get in there because if the dancers made fun of me I would have to kick each and every one of them. Raise your hand if you appreciate rambling in my blogs (if you did not raise your hand, you may now consider yourself a boring Bob, or a boring Barbara if you are a chick).

At around 1am I decided to go take a lil bathroom break and open up some room for some beverages who may be interested in the new vacant position in my body, my body is an equal opportunity employer when it comes to beverages by the way… I don’t want the water suing me because he didn’t get a fair shot at the alcohol infested club. As I am walking towards the bathroom with a smile on my face, a guy walks right up to another guy and decided to destroy his face with his fist. At this point I am next to the guy getting hit so my face turns from smiling to, “oh crap, I don’t want to be in the middle of a fight” and then to “oh crap, I feel some sort of liquid on my face and arm”. The guy had been hit so hard that his blood had splattered all over the entire left side of my body including my arm and left cheek area. At that point I decided that I needed to go home and douse myself in water and antibacterial soap.

Saturday I watched “No Country for Old Men”… I actually enjoyed it but was a bit taken back with the ending… it just sort of ends blandly. Great movie though.

One great thing that came out of the weekend… Kinsey and I had finally saved enough to buy a new bed!!!! We found one for a great price and even got more money off because they were having a clearance. So we are moving up from my $100 full mattress from the hotel that is as stiff as the floor, to a nice king bed… thank god Kinsey is a great bargain shopper.

!!!!!!!DROW (shout out to all my dyslexic people out there!!!!haha.) I met a dude this weekend who told me he had it so I told him I would give him a shout on my blog : )

WORD!!!!!!

Oh no!!!!! I did a bad thing…

March 27, 2008 at 4:17 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 30 Comments
Tags: , , ,

Well, some of us have embarrassing days… and then some of us have please let me go live under the bridge with two cats that fight all night long so I cant get any sleep embarrassing days. That happened recently… fortunately it didn’t happen to me… unfortunately it happened to Kinsey… oh, and did I mention I may have been the cause? So let me break it down because to some I may be a guilty boyfriend… but to my fellow 5th grade revenge mentality people you will see that she got what she deserved, haha.

So we decided to go out and enjoy the weather by taking a jog outside and get away from the treadmills. On the way back home we decided to run on the streets instead of taking the trail we normally jog on. It was rush hour by the time we got to our run so when we reached the main road (which by the way is one of them big boy roads that is one way and has four lanes leading into the highway) the traffic began to delay our jog due to the massive amount of waiting at the lights. At one of the light Kinsey apparently got bored. So what do women do when they get bored? I don’t know, but Kinsey likes to play jokes, so as I am standing at the light she decides to pull my pants down… yup, she pantsed me!!! It was no biggie; I was wearing running gear under my shorts that went down to just above my knee so I probably just looked like a dude with tights on. Afterwards I just sprayed Kinsey with some of my water and we laughed and it was all good. Little did she know that I was plotting my attack, I didn’t know what it would be… I figured wrestling in the middle of the streets while giving her a super wedgie was a bit too much… and so tying her shoelace to a pole with my crazy classified too crazy for the boy scouts knot was out of the question because not even the CIA can find a way to undo it.

As we were nearing the end of our run we came across a HUGE intersection. Kinsey was standing in front of me with her hands on her head catching some air… this was my opportunity and I decided to take it. As the light turned yellow I realized if I timed it right I could do a pull down and run. So I walked up behind her and WHAAAAM!!!! Pants to her knees. I was about to start running but unfortunately the first thing I saw was butt cheek and no underwear to be found. I automatically fell back and screamed “oh, crap!!!” Kinsey on the other hand was shock so her hands stayed on her head as she helplessly looked down; it was if I had just pantsed an armless woman. By this time the construction workers behind us started hoot’n and hollerin, and the cars started honking. About 4 seconds into it her pants were still down and she looked at me and said, “Why did you do that?” so I replied in mid laughter, “Pull your pants up!!!” She finally came to her senses what seemed to be an hour later. We then ran across the street while everyone honked and gave us thumbs up. Whoopsie daisy : )

So the moral of the story is: Do not pants your boyfriend if you are not wearing underwear because he will get you back.

  WORD!!!!

Maury Povich time….

March 25, 2008 at 3:41 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 25 Comments

So I was sitting at home yesterday after running a bunch of errands and I turned on the TV. I started watching a show about dead beat dads, THANK YOU MAURY POVICH!!! Anyways I suddenly realized that “sperm donor” (that’s my biological dad for you new readers) once again did not call me to wish me a happy birthday. So I decided to get on my computer and write him a letter. Normally I write in Spanish, but I did move to the US at the age of nine so it is very difficult for me to express my feeling while writing in Spanish… This time I decided to write him in English and prefaced the letter with a nice little message in Spanish that read, “I you want to know what this email says pay someone to translate it for you”. Here is the letter, isn’t it crazy how writing down your feeling helps you vent?: 

Jorge, 

It has been two years since I found out about you. Since that moment you have done nothing but be deceitful to your own blood. Hey, at least you are successful in life though, and that’s all that matters right? Who cares if you are arrogant and dismiss a human being you helped create out of your life for no reason? 

I do feel lucky that I have a father figure in my life, is that the reason you don’t care? But you know what? When you said you wanted to continue to build our relationship I got a sense of wholeness. I was not expecting much from you; maybe a call here and there, maybe an email, maybe a visit once in a while. None of that has happened. I have been alive for 25 years and you have only been there for me only one day, that means I have been alive about 9,131 days and you have hung out with me one day… not the best average for father son time huh? In fact, I am pretty sure you don’t even know my birthday. There have been two since you met me by the way and I have not received one call or email saying happy birthday. However, I am pretty sure you do know when Christmas is though… but somehow still nothing.   

How could you live your life knowing you have a son out there and not give a damn about his life? I could disappear off the face of the earth and you would never know nor care. You may be a good man to your family, but don’t forget that I am your blood, I have your genes, I am just as much your son as your other two kids… you may want to think about that when you go to sleep tonight… but you still probably wont care.   

-Jose

Crazy huh? I wanted to be much meaner but sometimes it is much better to cleanse yourself and move on… as hard as it may be. 

WORD!!!!  

JOKE TIME!!!!  

Me: did you hear Soulja Boy got shot? 

You: No way!!! Really!!! 

Me: yeah its nuts and guess who shot him… its nuts 

You: who? 

Me: YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!  Ahahahaha, get it? cause he always makes that noise.

Back we go!!!!

March 24, 2008 at 5:07 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments

I can’t tell you how great it is to sleep in. It felt like senior year all over again. You know… when you know you are going to graduate so you decide to skip first and second period the last week of school. Best part about everything was that my birthday landed on that week. I got to celebrate all week long… so I pretty much gained all the weight I had lost back. And why is it that when you are on vacation you wake up at the time you should normally wake up to go to work? But then the time comes to go back to work and you sleep in and are saved by your emergency alarm? I am starting to think that my own body hates me and plays tricks on me so you know what I am going to do? I am going to get a tattoo on my chest that says “my body sucks”. That way I can put my body in pain and make it look stupid at the same time. I think I will name my rock group that… man, it’s awesome how a random thought can turn into a million dollar idea. All I have to do now is to learn to play guitar, drums, bass, or learn how to sing. I should learn all of them in case someone from the band quits and I have to step in and cover for them. I have been practicing on Rock Band and am still having some problems with the drums, but I will perfect those within 8 years or so.

You know what else I have to put with this week? I have to put up with the PMS. Who decided it would be awesome to have women go through it? Everyone ends up suffering from it. The woman does, the dude does… even complete strangers who are driving a little too slow for the PMS’er get a little honk action that lasts for about a minute along with a wonderful “hows your mother salute” while I sit in the passengers side trying not to get burned by the fire coming out of her ears, or poked by the horns that have protruded out of her temples. That is the only week that I will admit to being wrong even if I am right. That is the only week I will clean up after myself for fear of finding my mess on the front of our apartment complex. Haha, it’s really not that bad but all the fellas know what I’m talking about.

WORDNESS!!!  

here are some pics from my b-day for ya:

holla.jpg

Singing with Uncle Daddy

holla-2.jpg

 Singing with Kinsey!!!

holla-3.jpg

Pinata Time

holla-4.jpg

After pinata time

holla-5.jpg

Shanon trying to make out with my girl

Off to sleeping in I go…

March 14, 2008 at 3:42 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 14 Comments

Its vacation time!!! So yesterday we had our football double header. We won one and lost the other one. But… there was some turbulence; I ended up leaving the field. The problem with sports is that some people get a little more agitated than others. Maybe it was the fact that I had been elbowed in the eye, hit in the face twice, and had dislocated my pinkie, but towards the end of our second game I was very agitated. Plus some of my teammates decided to take their anger out on the refs. I unfortunately sided with the refs and told my friends to shut their mouths. They did not take kindly to me telling them to shut up so a team argument ensued in front of everyone. Now, I could have stayed there and let it build up to the point where we would have gotten face to face, and I saw that coming so I decided to walk off the field. I have never done that before, but yelling at a dude making $7 an hour is not my cup of tea, it’s a freaking co-ed league for crying out loud, are we supposed to expect NFL officiating? Hell to the nah. Apparently some teammates feel differently. To add to the fire; we were not losing due to officiating; we were losing because we played crappy. Sure I wanna win super badly, but I just wanna run around with a football and try to re-live my high school glory days. Haha. I hope at least the refs are grateful that I stood up for them… if they aren’t then they should get a super kick to the ankle so they can’t chase after me. Now that is what I like to call smart.

WORD!!!!

Now you can enjoy Delilah being nuttier than squirrel poo just days after her tube tying experience, yup… she will never have bebehs with any dog, or cat… you never know with these crazy dogs now a days:

 

Surprise!!!!

March 13, 2008 at 5:23 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 23 Comments

Wow!!! I should have gone to a therapist a looooong time ago. Afterwards I felt like I was carrying 100 pounds less of stress. Come to find out… maybe my relationship is not breaking… I’m the thing breaking!!!! Yay!!! Oh well, nobody is perfect right? I would write all about it but it takes too long and I am too lazy to type it out… but good news is that you can listen to it on the K-podizzle fo shizzle.

It was a day of awesomeness yesterday by the way. Not only was I enlightened mentally, but I was surprised too. So Kinsey and I decided to go to lunch with my friend Paul before our session. She wanted to go to a restaurant across town which made the timing issue a little tighter than I would like getting down to the Doc… But, I have learned not to argue when a woman is hungry, that may end in potential kicking of the man and or death, its nothing to mess with. Anyway I walk into the restaurant and out of the corner of my eye I notice some red hair way in the back of the restaurant. So I look closer and realize Kellie Rasberry sitting there, at this point Kinsey is walking to our “table” and I tell her I am going to go say hi to Kellie. As I get closer I realize Al is sitting there, and Shanon, and Dino, and Kidd, and Andrew, and Ben, and Sunny J, and the rest of the staff… everyone was there except me. Did I feel left out? Yes. Was I about to open up a can of whoop a$$ and throw away the lid? Maybe. Did I figure that I was getting fired the next day and this was the planning meeting? Heck yeah. So it automatically became awkward, until Kidd got up and said “happy birthday dude!!!” Still in shock I said, “My birthday is next week.” So then I said, “well, I’m gonna go sit down with Paul and Kinsey. See you guys later.” Kidd then says, “No dude, this is your b-day lunch…” Still confused I say, “Where is Paul then?” So then Kinsey said, “I had to find a way to get you to come way out here.” It was the most confusing surprise of my life… I still don’t know what was going on. If they were trying to cover up for not inviting me they did a hell of a job getting me a birthday cake in 10 minutes…. I still think it’s a conspiracy.

WORD!!!!

 

By request I bring you…. DELILAH!!!!

 

delilah.jpg

 

AND DEX!!!!

 

dexter.jpg

Here we go!!!!

March 12, 2008 at 3:59 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 33 Comments

Today is the big day!!!! It’s our first session for couple’s therapy. Do I feel like our relationship would end if we didn’t go? Of course I don’t, but why not try something different right? This could be the smartest thing we have done as a couple… or it could suck, but either way I have faith in it. At least I will be receiving help from someone who will understand both of our points of views and will have all the facts. I have noticed that people are quick to jump and write hateful emails about my relationship so here are some facts for those who think they know but don’t know… this may answer some of the questions some of those people may have.

1. The only reason Kinsey and I are not married or engaged is because she told me she wanted to wait until she was done with school… not because I don’t want to.

2. Kinsey does have a promise ring.

3. I am ready for a committed relationship… otherwise I would have not wasted 6 years of our lives fooling around.

4. I don’t want Kinsey to quit working. I do want her to have independence; I just feel she would be happier if she didn’t have to leave every weekend to drive for hours on end.

5. I respect military families, I know you don’t see each other for months at a time… the difference is that those in that type of relationship know what they are going into as far as being away from each other goes. Our situation sprung up on us 5 and a half years into our relationship.

6. You can email me and tell me she is having an affair all you want… I will still choose to believe my girlfriend over a random anonymous jackass.

If you have any more questions I am here to answer : )

In other wonderful news… we fixed Delilah!!!! She wasn’t broken but she sure was leaking all over my floor (haha with a hint of gross). Plus after having her birthday party and realizing that she is an attractive young biiiiiaaaach (its ok, that is the true definition of a female dog) and watching about 12 male dogs try to get a piece of my little girl we decided pull the plug on any pregnancy scares. I don’t want to deal with going to the dogycologist, haha get it? Since she was all drugged up it was the most peaceful day of my life. I didn’t have to play fetch at all yesterday, which is a lot better than the 8 hours she sits in front of me barking and wagging her tail… Dex only plays tug of war and he is getting fat so he gets tired after .02 seconds.

WISH ME LUCK!!!

WORD!!!!

Today is Monday, and I lost an hour… and it makes me sad

March 10, 2008 at 4:24 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 14 Comments

Weekend was great!!! Kinsey and I spent time together finally. On Friday we were home bodies pretty much. Nothing too crazy, we just went out and had a couple of drinks and then went home. Why did we go home early? Well, Kinsey heard a commercial on the radio letting us know that Jessica Simpson was going to make an appearance at the mall. I brushed it off, but Jessica happens to be Kinsey’s idol. So she looks over at me as she turned off the radio after the commercial and says, “Can we go?!?!?!?!” Ok here is the problem. I like to use Saturdays as sleep in day… this would vastly cut into my sleep in time but what the heck, at least I could sleep in until 9:30 am. That was not the case. The very next morning at 8 am on the dot Kinsey woke me up as if it were Christmas. She had already taken the dogs out, cooked breakfast and taken a shower. I on the other hand had not done anything but drool just a lil bit on my pillow… haha. So I get up because I could no longer sleep due the uncalled for Jessica Simpson music being played. I could have slept for two more ours because we did not leave the house until 10:30. Kinsey could not find the “right outfit”.

Once we get there we quickly found out that you had to purchase at least $75 worth of stuff from her brand. So we did that. You then had to get a wristband to stand in line… when we asked for the wristband the lady said they had run out. Kinsey was devastated, so we went and stood there and looked at Jessica from 20 feet away. Just before we were about to leave I saw Joe Simpson (Jessica’s dad) walk in. So I went around back and told the security guy I was the dude from Kidd Kraddick in the morning… I figured he would just brush me off. I was greeted with some love and let right into the back area where I managed to hook up with one of her people in her entourage who I then followed to Jessica’s dressing room, where I waited with Kinsey while we ate and drank her food and played with her dog. Finally Jessica walks in with her parents and crew. My stomach went into a convulsion of knots. I figured her body guards would tackle me and take me out, which would also make a great story because I would kick at least one of them. Instead Joe looked at me with the “oh you little sly devil” look. So I asked straight up, “Do you mind if I get a minute of your time for Kidd’s show?” She answered “no problem, but I gotta catch a plane.” I ended up getting an interview and Kinsey got to meet her favorite celeb and I looked like a pimp. VERY NICE!!!! You can listen to the interview on the K-pod… I did give Kinsey my camera to record the interview but she took one picture instead… I think she was nervous and had a small case of blondelitis.

 kinsey-and-jessica.jpg Kinsey with Jessica

kinsey-and-dasey.jpg

Kinsey with Daisy 

Saturday we hung with Kellie, Al, and Uncle Daddy. We caught Charlie Murphy doing his stand up routine. My review: My “brown chik’n brown coooow” joke is better than any of his… but, his opening act was hilarious with a capital HILA.

Then on Sunday it was Delilah’s 1st birthday. So we threw her a party with her brothers and some other dog friends she has. Unfortunately she isn’t fixed and decided to start her womanly time of the month so we had to put a chastity diaper on her. Kinsey taped some of the party because she is a crazy dog mommy. Notice Dex protecting her sis in the beginning of the video, he is tougher than a death row inmate who hasn’t eaten in a day… until you bark right back at him… then he becomes as tough as a 3 year old Mexican kid being chased with a spider while he screams bloody murder and ends up being mad at his uncle for three years and hating spiders for the rest of his life… which is what happened to my cousin… um… Lay-Si, I am all man over here, no little spider is gonna get me all scurred. Anyways, enjoy the video. (Video will be back shortly… gotta edit some bad boy stuff)

  

WORD!!!!

 

 

Me and my brain argue sometimes… WEIRD!!!

March 7, 2008 at 4:27 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 22 Comments

Hey!!!! This week was a tough one with my sister visiting and all. I think I got about 2 hours of sleep a night. I did learn something about teenage girls though… they are an attitude machine. I thought girlfriends were bad… I get the feeling that 13 year old girls have PMS action 24/7. All it would take for a snap was asking her who she was texting, she would answer, “Eww, shut up!!! It’s none of your business.” And I thought I got called gay too much on the show… my sister about tripled the times I have been called gay on the show the past year in about 10 minutes. I started thinking I very well may actually be gay since she was calling me that so much. Haha. NOT GAY!!

Question: is it ok for me to kick a 13 year old boy for making my sister cry? I think I am justified in doing that fo rilla.

Do you ever feel like just sitting down and eating a pizza? I am having super bad food withdrawals. My body wants it so bad but my mind says, “Don’t be stupid, you have been working hard to get in shape.” So then I say, “Shut up mind because you don’t know what food tastes like because you don’t have a mouth.” So then my mind says, “fine be a fat a$$.” It usually ends up in a huge blow up fight and my mind and I don’t communicate for a while… which explains my randomness and weird out of context comments. So to win my mind back I will do a lil something like, “hey, why do bees have sticky hair?” And my mind is all like, “I don’t know…” So I answer with, “Because they use honeycombs,” hahaha, we both laugh and all is good… Did I really just write a whole paragraph on how I argue with my mind? Sorry I made you lose a few hundred brain cells, but you read on didn’t you? Haha, in your face!!!! Just kidding. Have a great weekend!!!!!

WORD!!!!

Like Whoa!!!!

March 3, 2008 at 5:01 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 41 Comments

You ever feel like everything in your life is moving forward but you are just left standing? That’s how I have felt the last few weeks. I know relationships take work, but sometimes things get a little too tough when you mix in the rest of life. I guess you could say I feel incomplete lately. Why? My relationship with Kinsey has been melting little by little due to the lack of time we spend together. I see it happening and there is nothing I can do about it. It gives me a feeling of defeat. I have been put in the backseat to money and it is partly my fault, I haven’t hung out with Kinsey (as a couple) since Valentines Day… and we only went to dinner for a couple of hours because she had to work that night too. And when we do get a day to hang out we end up fighting about how much time we don’t spend together. The problem is that Kinsey doesn’t want me to think she is mooching off of me. Yes, I pay for the rent and for the bills when she can’t afford them… this understandably makes her feel like she is not putting effort in. When you are still in school it is very difficult to make money, trust me, I lived on Instant Ramen, mac and cheese, and 25 cent burritos until I got this job. She finally is making money, but it is costing our relationship and I don’t know what to do. She is stressed out, I am stressed out… the dogs are stressed out, my PS3 is stressed out… it doesn’t stop. She does have bills to pay too and a part time job just doesn’t hook it up with the money. Unfortunately now I feel that my relationship is spinning out and I can’t seem to get a hold of the wheel. I just hope we can get it back on track before we hit a tree… that was deeper than a cup of soup… a very big and deep cup of soup; preferably chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side, diet soda if you wanna get all healthy about it, and if that’s not healthy enough we can hook it up with some water.  

In other news I traveled on my first private plane this weekend. Here is my review: It was small and I almost peed my pants 6 and a half times due to turbulence. Also, I don’t think it helped that I somehow watched a bunch of plane crash videos on youtube two days before the flight. I strongly don’t recommend doing that. Other than that the trip to Birmingham Alabama was awesome… Kellie got on stage a danced with Curtis, Al hit on girls, Kidd was chillin, and I ate cake. All and all a great night.

   

I also headed out to the Hillary Clinton rally and had a blast. I could write about it but instead we made a lil video for you viewing enjoyment:

   

Finally my sister gets in tonight… I cant wait to take her to that Jonas Bros concert… not that I want to go really bad because I like that “Year 3000” song. I don’t even know the lyrics. I am doing it all for her… not because that “S.O.S” song gets all up in my head… I don’t know the words to that one either. Will someone kick me before my man card is gets taken away for life!!!!

WORD!!!!

Blog at WordPress.com.
Entries and comments feeds.