GIRLS NIGHT + one man = awkward…

February 27, 2008 at 4:19 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Kinsey’s party is today… she decided to spend the entire day cleaning yesterday…I spent the entire day making a mess around the house. I think everything evens out, plus Delilah helped me with the messy business. She just tears up every single toy we give her… every day I come home to about 300 pounds of cotton stuffing all over my house. Dex just sits on the couch like a grumpy old man. He should be living it up because in doggy years he is 21. He doesn’t even go clubbin or anything. Oh crap!!!! That just gave me the best idea ever; what if I opened up a dog night club. You come and drop your dog off on a Friday or Saturday night. I will have a DJ and doggie beer (I can invent that too), then you pick your dog up on the way home from the club. Oh, and the only music we will play is Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg, and any rapper or group with the word Dog in it. I will probably mix Eminem in there just because he is my favorite and Dex sings along to his songs. GENIOUS!!! 

I am nervous to have a bunch of chicks at my house… what if I leave underwear out or something naughty like that? It would be disastrous, or what if Kinsey embarrasses me, or I have to go to the bathroom. Oh, man!!!

WORD!!!!!!

 Speaking of business adventures… check my new company out: Shootingstar Bucks. VERY NICE!!!

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Crazy scooter man is back…

February 26, 2008 at 5:43 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments

I wrote about a guy in a scooter wheelchair a few days or weeks ago… well guess what? Now remember, this guy cussed me out because I only opened one door for him at the wonderful place I like to call 7-11 (shout out), and called me ungrateful. Since then I have looked into a surgery that will enhance the length of my arms so that I can open two freaking doors at once. Anyways I saw him on the sidewalk while I was walking my dog; I swear this man is stalking me. I get off the sidewalk along with Delilah to let him pass. This time homeboy was equipped with a whistle and he did not look afraid to use it. As we got to about 5 feet from him he placed the whistle in his mouth and started blowing it… for no freaking reason. Delilah is now freaking out because apparently dogs don’t like the whistle noise (sorry Too Short), so she gets back on the curve and starts jumping in a playful manner towards his direction. He stops his motorized cart of terror and stares me right in the eye, his other eye was a lazy eye, or what I like to call and “overachieving” eye. I don’t think it’s fair to call an eye that is clearly working much harder than the other one lazy, but I digress… With the whistle still in his mouth he says, “if that dog bites me I WILL sue.” So I told him, “if you stop blowing the whistle my dog will calm down.” What does this adult man do? He starts blowing the whistle again as he started to scoot away at a whopping 2mph, someone give this man a speeding ticket. I feel horrible for feuding with a man in a scooter but he brought it on himself. That is strike two… I will most likely and hopefully never see this man again but if I do I am going to bring a squirt gun with me and if he pulls a strike three he will receive some water squirting to the facial region of his body to see how he likes being annoyed. I know its juvenile but sometimes it has to come down to that… or some kicking, and I would never kick a man in a scooter. So water gun fight it is. I tried being nice. Other than that incident my day was normal : )  WORD!!!!

I have two eyes : )

February 25, 2008 at 6:07 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

I had a pretty fun weekend… if you think going to Denny’s two days in a row and eating the meat lover’s breakfast and feeling super bloated the following morning fun. The second day I went the waitress remembered me and gave me the same table… yup, got me some VIP action at Denny’s for being a frequent weekend customer. That night Kinsey printed out the calorie intake from my meals… not good, not good at all. Why can’t sausage be healthy? That would rock my face and part of my gluteus maximus off.

 

Friday Kinsey and I had set up a couple’s night… unfortunately we had a bit of difference in plans. I wanted to go check out some friends perform at a club, and she wanted to stay near our place. Normally I give in and do what she wants but I told my friend I would definitely go out to watch them and it would be in the back of my head if I didn’t go. So Kinsey ended up staying home and resting and I went out there with Kellie and “Uncle Daddy”. We actually ended up having a blast. I am pretty sure Kellie ended up having a bit of hangover the next morning though. Yup, I had to hook homegirl up with diet Pepsi at the end of the night. One bad thing about going out on Friday is the fact that my Saturday morning football league kicked off. Great news is that I somehow managed to hurt myself. This injury did not come from any sort of kicking; it came from my head making contact with the ground in a not so soft manner. If this is another concussion it would make 13… wah wah we wah.

 

Kinsey is having a girls party at my house on Wednesday… she said I can’t go. We have come to an agreement though. I can stay in my room during their party. This means I will do my best to annoy and bring you another wonderful “J-Si annoying Kinsey” video this week fo sho : )

 

WORD!!!!

(just a little inside on what I was doing this weekend… silly? yes, funny? not really. Interesting? no. I just like bright lights : ) That is all)

sparkle.jpg

I think going to political rallies makes me smarter…

February 21, 2008 at 3:57 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 29 Comments
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Hey, hey, hey!!! So Kinsey and I have decided that we need to have a roommate because I am as broke as Gary Coleman when he had to work security a few years ago. Problem is that we may move in with Kinsey’s friend Brandy who likes to drink about 8 days a week… yup, there are only 7 days in a week… that girl is nuttier than squirrel poo. This could potentially be a mistake because Kinsey and her are really good friends. They are very similar but do have their differences. Kinsey is really crazy about keeping things clean and Brandy is really crazy about chillin and having fun. If anything, I will have some radio gold material for the show. VERY NICE!!!   

Yesterday I was able to go see Barack Obama. I am not decided yet on who I will be voting on, but he did sell me pretty darn good. I really do hope that everything he spoke about does take place if he wins the presidential election. We hear if every four years: “I want to do this,” “I want to do that,” “I will do this,” “I will do that.” It’s like a lottery. All I do know is that we need to take care of the less fortunate and bring our soldiers back home safely and he is all aboard with that. Plus I don’t know if you have watched him on TV, but in person he has this energy that just explodes out of his body and sticks to you. It was amazing. I am glad that we have three people that could potentially make a great president in Obama, Hilary, and McCain… Even though Hilary seems to be losing her steam… maybe she should just stop screaming so much and pamper us with a lil Hil lovey dovey talk. But then again I don’t know very much about politics so I would like to take this opportunity to shut up and save further embarrassment. Fo sho!!!

 WORD!!!! 

I would like to now introduce a new weekly feature I would like to start in my blog. I call it: “The J-Si doing something to annoy Kinsey clip of the week”. Catchy huh? I came up with it myself. This week Kinsey was in bed and I was in the living room and started singing, she yelled at me to shut up. Instead of shutting up I decided to grab my camera and start singing again thus equaling the wonderful video: 

(do not try this at home fellas)

Barry Time!!!!

February 19, 2008 at 5:06 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

Whoopsie daisy, I forgot to post my blog from yesterday. Anyways… lil update. I had to stay in all weekend because Kinsey got the flu… again. I guess you are not cool unless you have the flu, that’s what is hot right now ladies. However, I did get to see a dude get mazed during the weekend which in turn taught me that getting mazed = not very fun. The guy was a heavy dude; he has probably handled a few slices of pizza in his day. He was lying on the concrete with his bare butt hanging out… I am talking BARE with zero piece of clothing covering it. Now, that is embarrassing enough… but wait, there is more!!! He was handcuffed with his butt in the air and maze all in his eyes which in turn created a bunch of mucus to try to exit the building. Yes ladies, I am pretty sure that piece of man is single. The whole event even had a cherry on top when a drunk guy walked out of the club, pointed at the guy said, “Ha-ha,” in the Nelson from “The Simpsons” voice. HAHA, I chuckled a bit inside. Lesson here: Wear underwear and a belt just in case you get cuffed and mazed at the club.

 

I get to go to the Barry Manilow concert tonight with Kidd. I am not the biggest fan, but this guy is a legend and if the guys from Family Guy like him… then he is all good in my book. Plus, how late can his concert really go? I am pretty sure he has to be in bed by 11pm. Oh, and I don’t have to eat 15,000 calories in one day anymore. You don’t know how glad I am about that. Speaking of being healthy, I worked out a little too hard yesterday… so hard that I ended up returning all my food to the bathroom via the mouth if you catch my drift. I used to do that a lot when I worked out with a trainer so that makes me think that it is a good thing… is it? I hope it is. I stopped as soon as I felt ill, but I have always wondered if it’s really bad, or really good, or just blah. I am done blab-a-abbing (yay, a new made up word of the day… definition coming soon)

  

WORD to your friend’s Mother!!!!

Cookies in my face!!!!

February 15, 2008 at 4:53 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments
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Valentines Day is over… say it with me guys… YAY!!! I have a very understanding girlfriend. I had to work all day to try to do some bits which got in the way of hanging out with the girlfriend time. In fact it got way into hanging out time and that is what didn’t make her happy. All and all we ended up having a good night… until I had to edit all the audio. Haha.

So while I was out doing a bit I ended up at a certain store that has a one Wall and it has Greens, if you get ma drift. Anyways, I feel bad doing a bit in a parking lot of an establishment without giving them any business so I walked inside to buy some beef jerky. As I stood in line to pay I noticed a homeless looking dude walking out with a box of Valentines Day cookies. Unfortunately he did not pay for those cookies so he was stopped by the manager. He didn’t take too kindly to being caught stealing… so what does one do when they get caught stealing cookies? Well, you take them out of the package and start throwing cookies of course!!! I believe he was throwing them at the manager but he didn’t have the best aim in the world so one of those cookies decided to hit me. I screamed “I’ve been hit,” and collapsed to the ground. It burned really bad but I knew I had to wait for the paramedics to show up to make sure I didn’t have any internal injuries… haha, just kidding. What really happened was me walking over to the guy and wanting to kick him in the shin, but I was held back by 5 really buff dudes who told me it wasn’t worth it… if only 4 would have held me back I would have gotten to him for sure. I did think about eating the cookie though and then I remembered that the cookie was touched by the man… and it was on the floor… and it had too much frosting on it, and I am on a diet of no cookies, and or super crazy sugary food. Anyways, the dude pushed the manager a couple of times and tried to get in his face while they held him in the store but eventually he realized they couldn’t restrain him so he just pushed through the wall of employees and walked out… without the cookies, in your face cookie thief. Who steals cookies, if you are going to steal some food take something that won’t make your stomach hurt like some Doritos or perhaps some cheese sticks… maybe even some peanut butter and some bananas if you wanna get all crazy with it. 

Oh, and Tyra Banks… please do not air a “how to propose to your girlfriend” show when I am watching TV with my girlfriend… That is all.

  

WORD!!!!

Valentines Day is here!!!!

February 14, 2008 at 5:19 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

So I started thinking about this whole eating 15,000 calories in a day next week… actually I wasn’t thinking about it, but I was receiving plenty of emails from people telling me how dangerous it can be. Now I know what Evil Knievel felt before a huge jump with the whole having to watch the announcers go through every possible death scenario. I know mine is not as scary or crazy… but it is nuttier than squirrel poo. Anyways, I am on the verge of quitting my working out and then I saw a picture of me from a couple of months ago and looked at myself in the mirror… wow, I felt good about myself. I am not in my goal shape but I am getting there and it feels damn good. All this will do is set me back a few weeks, and probably get me all bloated, and depressed, and make me break out, and make me live in the bathroom for a couple days, and make my hair fall off, and make my gallbladder explode, and make my cholesterol sky rocket, and make me hate all those restaurants for ever… other than that I don’t see what the big deal is. To top it off, I found out my dad is diabetic yesterday… decisions decisions : )

 

Happy Valentines Day by the way; you know what I like about my girl? She looks high maintenance but totally is not. How cool is it to have a person who wants to just hang out with you on Valentines Day? It’s such an awesome feeling. If I have money I can buy her something and if I don’t she is happy with dinner and a movie. Is Valentines Day not about love? Then why must this society make it taboo for a man to arrive home gift less, it should not be expected… fo sho!!! Anyway, have a happy Valentines Day and be safe.

 

WORD!!!!

Do not read and run!!!

February 12, 2008 at 5:27 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments
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Funny story time!!!! So I am getting my work out on at the gym yesterday. I like to go before 5pm but after lunch because there is nobody at the gym at that time… plus all the super buff dudes who make me want to leave because I feel like a wuss usually work out at that time. So I am sitting there benching my usual sets of 1,000lbs and as I walked over to grab a drink I noticed a girl jogging on the treadmill… no biggie right? Well, this girl thought I would be a good idea to read the newspaper while on the treadmill. I personally think that is quite impressive; there is no way in the world I could do that… I have problems watching TV and running on the treadmill, I would bust my forehead open if I tried reading. Anyways, as I walked past her I noticed her stumble a lil bit… not too much just a lil bit (sorry, had to go off into 50 cent mode). At that point I would stop reading if I was her, but she didn’t. I went back to the bench press and did another set and as I got done and sat up I looked in the mirror just in time to see that same girl take another misstep, but this time she did not regain her balance… this time her left leg slipped from under her, the newspaper went flying, she hit the flo, shawty got thrown off onto the flo. Yup, she fell onto the treadmill belt which in turn threw her off the treadmill and guess what I did? I accidentally let out a “Ha-Ha,” I don’t know why it came out… it just did. I did run over and asked her if she was ok along with the other three people in there and her eyes just teared up and she got up and walked out. It happens and we all have those moments… I just don’t think I will be seeing her at the gym for a while.

 

In good news I did have a talk with my sister and everything seems to be better with the bullies… however she is getting into the 13 year old girl attitude towards parents mode so I tried to nip that in the butt before it gets too crazy… I did get the feeling that she listened to me but a lot may have snuck out the other ear. Time will tell. Its funny how everything grown ups tell you when you are a kid does come true. Your parents ground you to make you a better person, they want you to get good grades because it makes you work hard in the real world, they want you to behave because it makes you have better relationships… but when you are 13 you think that they ground you because they hate you, want you to do good in school because they know it makes you miserable to do homework, and they want you to behave because they think they have power trips… Oh to be a kid again. At least I still act like one in my head : )

 

WORD!!!!

My dog is the devil…

February 11, 2008 at 4:17 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

I have realized that being a single father to two dogs for the week was near impossible… I know dogs and kids are different but if it was this tough with dogs I can only imagine what single mothers go through. I could definitely handle Dex on my own… Delilah is a different animal though. I am pretty sure she did not come from other dogs; I could swear she has some Tasmanian Devil in her. I actually made myself some food (if you call going to the store and buying precooked meals and warming them up in the microwave making food); I then put my plate down on the table next to my couch. I went to the bathroom to wash my hands, I come back out and Delilah is in her kennel… I became suspicious because she hates that thing due to the spending a lot of time in there factor. I think nothing of it and sit down. As I reach out to grab my plate I realize something is missing… yup, not just something… both pieces of herb roasted turkey, my peas, and my carrots were gone. I was only in the bathroom for two minutes and Delilah ate my entire meal, my healthy meal that I spent 9 dollars on.

 

So I go over to her kennel and look inside and there is my last piece of turkey chillin on her paws. Instead of acting like she did something wrong she growled at me… OH NO SHE DIDN’T!!! She not only stole my food, she then went on to punk me by growling at me. To top it off I found a stain on my couch from her dragging the turkey to her kennel. She will be a good dog someday… I hope : )

 

Kinsey finally came home!!! Everything is all good now. I guess when someone you care about is away for a while you miss them so much that you start getting moody. But we did talk and we are all good again : )

  

WORD!!!

Sometimes guys act like chicks too : )

February 8, 2008 at 4:31 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments

Hi!!! I am writing with an extremely sore knee. It is one of those “I don’t know when or how I hurt it” type of injury. We had a football game last night… we lost : ( It was close though. Real quick shout to Shanon for screaming “JC… DON’T GET HURT!!!!” and the occasional, “JC… ARE YOU HURT?!?!?!?” after every play. Anyway, I was walking and running last night and then I woke up in the middle of the night with a pain in my knee. Here is what I think happened: I had a dream injury. I probably was dreaming about something super awesome and I flailed my leg around like some sweet nunchucks and tore something. Unfortunately I have to throw that theory out due to the fact that none of my dogs were injured… unless they woke up just in time to jump over my nunchuck flailing legs like a jump rope (Delilah probably does deserve an accidental kick due to her excessive licking of the inside of my mouth yesterday).

 

My other theory is that I had a sleep walking episode, not like a TV episode… more like a “I am still sleeping so I am not responsible for eating a tub of ice scream, some raw Ramen Noodle soup, three pieces of bread, a bag of jelly beans, and trying to cook steak marinated in Hershey’s chocolate syrup. Fo sho. This time I think I slept ninja’d (that’s a new J-Si word for your face). I probably woke up and started jumping off building and doing gnarly flips. I probably saved a couple of lives or something… So if you know anyone who was saved by a sleeping ninja in boxer shorts last night let them know it was me : )

 

Well, good news is Kinsey comes home Sunday… Bad news is I have not talked to her in over a day. I am a guy which means I hate talking on the phone but for some reason I felt distant from her yesterday so I wanted to talk to her. I called and called and called. In fact I started feeling like the chick in the relationship. She finally answered and it sounded like she was in a restaurant. She then says, “We just sat down for dinner and it’s a really nice restaurant so I can’t talk… I call you when I’m done.” Before I got a word in I was hung up on. I waited and waited and got no call. I ended up falling asleep with the phone on my chest just in case she called (that’s as wussy as it gets ladies and gents… it doesn’t get any worse than that). I ended being woken up by my alarm… not a call, but I thought maybe I was in such a deep sleep that I didn’t hear it. So I turn on my phone light and to my dismay I found that she did not call or text me. I guess I feel like this because I have been used to having some sort of contact for the last 5 years and then all of the sudden yesterday there was nothing. I am sure guys have gone through this, but it definitely sucks.

 

WORD!!!!

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