JC’s Blog

Ummm…. There are a few things girls should warn guys about before making us commit to something. Example: Kinsey tells me I am white and need to get a little color. The natural solution is to tan. Unfortunately I don’t have time to go out to the pool and lay there for hours and suffer from a wonderful sunburn. So Kinsey tells me it would be wise of me to invest in a tanning membership. My first inclination was to stick my hand in the peanut butter jar and throw peanut butter at her to show how hilarious I thought the idea was… seriously, peanut butter on my girlfriend is just as hilarious as me getting a tanning membership.

So what did I do? Did I put my foot down? Hell to the nah!!! I caved in because I did feel pasty after my awesome farmer’s tan that I acquired on Saturday… and Kinsey said I would look more buff if I tanned. So Kinsey and I headed off to the tanning salon. I will go on and say that the front desk person at tanning salons is more annoying than telemarketers. I went in there wanting to get a $20 membership. His goal was to sell me the $200 membership. If Kinsey wasn’t there I would have fallen for his trap just to shut him up. I kept saying, “I just want the twenty dollar one.” Apparently this translated into, “I want to spend my entire paycheck on the super duper crazy ultra 4000 tanning bed and the fruity tootie fresh and cooly smelling lotion.” I don’t want my body to tingle, I just want some color so when I go on my trip to México I don’t get laughed at by my people. So after 89 minutes of telling the guy what membership I wanted, he finally quit, or ran out of ways to rip me off. He was one minute away from a swift kick to the tongue… luckily I only do that at the 90 minute mark.

Let’s move on to my tanning phase. I have noticed that Kinsey places a hart sticker on her skin to see how tan she is getting. I figure this is normal so I put the only sticker I found to be not super gay on a well placed area of my body. I had to choose from a heart, a “sexy”, and lips. I choose lips. As I came out I told Kinsey I had gotten pretty tan based on my lip sticker… as I said this a guy said, “dude, that’s for chicks.” Everyone started laughing so this is what I told the overly tan orange oompa loompa looking dude… “So is tanning.” Simple and to the point. In you face guy who works out 4 hours a day and fake tans with the weird spray that makes you smell like a dirty foot!!!! I will continue my tanning until go to Mexico to make sure I don’t look like a fire truck after the first day; I can’t look like a lobster because they are way too small. Fire trucks are big and awesome.

Moral of the story: I win and the wise a$$ loses… even though I had just tanned myself.

WORD!!!!