World Records are records for a reason…
May 1, 2008 at 4:55 pm | In Uncategorized |Tags: david blaine, funny, sexy, shower, water
So, tragedy strikes me again. Actually… some may call it stupidity… I like to call it adventurism. I was watching Oprah yesterday for the first time in about a decade because David Blaine was going to attempt a world record. Now someday I will break a record myself so I wanted to watch what it will be like when I go on Oprah to break my world record for fastest unsnapping of 20 bras with one hand.
Now to the good stuff… David Blaine decided to break the record for holding his breath underwater the longest. At first I though… pffft, that’s a wussy record, I could probably break it. Then I heard the world record was 16 minutes and 32 seconds. WHOA!!!! The longest I ever held my breath was like 2 minutes and that was when I was a kid, this will lead us into my dumb move of the month. So David gets in his little water capsule and begins. This man held his breath for 17 minutes and 4 seconds… AMAZING!!! Granted, he did train for a long time and had oxygen pumped in his lungs for 23 minutes to help him. Crazy thing is that he had a heart rate of about 127 bpm when during training he was targeting around 50 bpm. This means that if his heart rate was lower he may have made it up to 20 minutes, that’s my educated 3 years of college guess. Haha.
So after he finished I said, “huh… I wonder if you can hold your breath longer as an adult.” I figured I could only do 2 minutes because I was a kid. So I filled up my tub and got myself ready… my target: 5 minutes. Easy!!! David Blaine did 17. So I get in my tub, butt in the air and start holding my breath. I then realized I didn’t have anything to keep track of my time. So I got up and got a stop watch. I got back down to action. I am sure if you took a picture of me doing this it would win on “Americas Funniest Home Videos”. Butt up in the air again, head in the water. Unfortunately I have a bit of a cold so in the middle of my attempt at the J-Si world record I went into an “I want to cough convulsion” and unfortunately my body decided to try and take a breath… it doest work when you are underwater. So I started chocking. Kinsey thought I was taking a bath so she ran in asking “why are you in your underwear next to the tub?” In the mean time I am on my back looking very sexy struggling to stay alive and remove the water from my lungs. Then I remembered that I read bath tubs are dirtier than a toilet… this means I drank foot juice, sweaty juice, and some good amount of old soap… and I am pretty sure my friend went pee in my shower once because he is lazy. Yay me!!! I almost drowned and I have an upset stomach… BARF!!!
Moral of the story: do not try to attempt world records in your tub, or when sick, or at all.
WORD!!!
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You totally made me laugh really hard at work. I needed that laugh! Thanks!
Comment by MPecina — May 1, 2008 #
U R Hilarious!!! I’m here at work laughing my a@% off!!! Estas loco!!! Nada mas a ti te pasan estas cosas. Honestly, what goes through your mind?? Oh, to have been a fly on that bathroom wall!! LOL
Comment by celia — May 1, 2008 #
Boy you are crazy!!!!Your train of thought cracks me up!!
Comment by Syl — May 1, 2008 #
I agree with the first comment. You are very funny. Well done and keep up the good work!
Comment by Duffy — May 1, 2008 #
Poor Kinsey!!
Comment by Sasha — May 1, 2008 #
Your a silly guy who drank foot juice!!
Comment by Lupe — May 1, 2008 #
That totally me laugh out loud - too funny! You’re a moron. lol jk
Comment by AMY — May 1, 2008 #
That has to be the funnesiest thing in the world.
Keep it going!
Comment by Adam — May 1, 2008 #
you know what I think, that you trying something like that gives the rest of us who dont have the time to do it a laugh. I listen to you every morning on my way to work and the things that you come up with are very intresting to me. Keep up the good work.
Comment by Kathy — May 1, 2008 #
Oh my goodness. I just cracked up! I was totally picturing it in my head. Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be you. I bet it’s fun.
Comment by Mariana — May 1, 2008 #
foot juice!!! and pee!! OMG that’s hilaaaaarious!
Comment by jeri — May 2, 2008 #
J.C., Hunny you are so funny! It is 11:26pm here in Savannah, GA and I really should be asleep but I just HAD to read your blog and I am so glad I did! Give Kinsey a big kiss b/c she ROCKS and please, please, please continue to stay true to your ways b/c you are the best part of the show to me!
Comment by Casey — May 2, 2008 #
Dude, your blogs are the best!! I wonder do you really do this stuff or come up with these stories for our entertainment?? eitherj way, I love it!!
Comment by Keri — May 2, 2008 #
haha that it soo funny im reading this at work and i totally started cracking up and everyone in here looked at me im like WHAT so i let everyone read it and they all laughed you are some CRAZY BOY!
Comment by Raven — May 2, 2008 #
J-SI, You remind me of my 12 year old son. I really do enjoy listening to your storys every morning. Thank you for allowing us into your personal life the way you all do.
Comment by ASHLEY — May 2, 2008 #
That was soooooooo Funny! I was at my desk laughing my butt off…They are going to think I’ve lost my mind…
Comment by Kimberly — May 2, 2008 #
HAHAHA!! That was great! I’m sorry you almost drowned… but it makes for a pretty funny story.
Comment by Stephanie — May 3, 2008 #
Thank you for the good laugh this morning. I really needed that after this weekend.
Comment by Cindy Beard — May 5, 2008 #