Little things can bully big things…
April 25, 2008 at 4:25 pm | In Uncategorized |I now officially hate birds with a passion. So yesterday I am walking my dogs… have you ever walked two dogs at once? If you have, have you ever walked one calm dog and a dog that is the spawn of a Tasmanian devil? Yeah, it’s tough. So I am walking my dogs having a good time trying to prevent Delilah from running out on the street and preventing Dex from trying to fight a 130 pound bulldog… all of the sudden I feel something zoom past my ear. I was thinking some idiot threw a rock at me so as I looked around I noticed a bird flying away from me. I then though, this bird must be blind or something. He then stops on a branch about 2 feet from me. At this point Delilah wants to play her favorite game called “lets kill the bird and bring in back in the house and store it under the bed until it starts smelling bad so J-Si has to move his bed and clean the carpet”, so to summarize things… she was going crazy with joy.
So this bird is sitting there looking at me, I am not a wuss so I stare at him right back. I started to get the “its about to go down” feeling in my stomach. He then said, “Squak, eerrp, paaak”, which in bird language means, “break yo self foo.” So I answered with “you are a freaking crazy bird.” I decided to be the bigger person and started to walk away and from behind I felt something peck the back of my head and knock my hat off. Yup, the bird cold cocked me in the back of the head. Now both my dogs are going crazy because they wanna protect big papa. Unfortunately they have now begun to tangle up my legs with their leashes. So I turn around only to catch a glimpse of the bird torpedoing towards my face so in the process of ducking I somehow lost my balance and fell on my knees. As I looked up to compose myself I noticed two girls walking their dogs about 30 feet away… were they scared for me? No, I would say they were lightly laughing at me… or loudly, you say tomato I say tomatoe. So I get myself up and start lightly jogging away and now the bird has decided to hover in front of my while lunging towards my face. I couldn’t really see much but I kept hearing, “squak” this and “squak” that so I busted out the only bird word I knew and said, “Cluck you stupid bird!!” He then settled again on a branch in front of me and he yelled some more bird obscenities at me. If I could do an awesome roundhouse I would have kicked him but I am not very flexible in the leg department so I passed that up. I decided to pick up a rock instead and in the midst of my anger I threw it towards the bird. The odds of hitting a bird with a rock are real slim and that is why I did it. I just wanted to let him know he messed with the wrong dude, plus if I hit him and he fell to the ground I could give him his well deserved kick in the beak. Luckily I missed, unfortunately my apartment complex was right behind the tree and my complex has windows. I watched in slow motion as this rock flew straight towards a window. The bird did fly to dodge and landed on a power line were he continued to mock me, the rock hit about a foot from the window… you don’t understand how scared I felt as the rock flew through the air. The two girls probably thought I was on drugs. As they walked by they smiled and one said, “Having a bad day?” She said it with the “you are a moron” tone. So I quickly came back with, “you’re having a bad day!” I hope the bird attacked them too. I decided I had made my point with the bird and walked. No more attacks occurred after how found out I was strapped…
Moral of the story for the bird: In the hood you never know if the guy you are messing with is carrying a concealed rock… it’s a dangerous world out there for a bimp (that what you call a bird pimp)
WORD!!!!
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Why does this kind of crap always happen to you?! Hee, hee, hee!
Comment by Jessica — April 25, 2008 #
I peed on that one, a little - hilarious =]
Comment by Lissa — April 25, 2008 #
Jessica, right, I was thinking the same thing, only Jsi. “your having a bad day” hee hee hee.
Comment by Trish — April 25, 2008 #
Jessica, right, I was thinking the same thing, only Jsi. “you’re having a bad day” hee hee hee.
Comment by Trish — April 25, 2008 #
Your dog walking totally describes my dog walking…2 dogs..1 calm, 1 taz. It’s fun times.
Yeah, birds are total a-holes when they have a nest of babies nearby. I’d avoid that area, bc it will probably happen again.
Comment by cloe — April 25, 2008 #
Finally! Someone else who shares my bad luck with birds. Sounds like you met a Mockingbird JC! They are mean little creatures!
Comment by Julie — April 25, 2008 #
Bimp….hee hee!
You should hire someone to follow you around with a video camera one day and then post it. The stuff that happens to you (or around you) keeps this blog lively, no doubt.
Emily
http://www.twodogsrunningsouth.blogspot.com/
Comment by Emily — April 25, 2008 #
You are so funny
Comment by SS — April 25, 2008 #
j.c…. that bird was probably a mississippi kite. they are a small hawk that protects their nest vigilantly when they are nesting. they have no fear and will attack anyone or anything that they think is too close to their “home”… it’s a quality that you have to admire… i am just sorry you got the short end of it!
Comment by kat — April 25, 2008 #
oh lord, this is hilarious!! this kind of $h!t only happens to you! I love reading your blogs!! You’ve been a great addition to the show J-Si!
Comment by Rachel — April 25, 2008 #
You are always having some of the weirdest things happening!!!! I look forward to your blogs everday just to see what kind of mess you got into!!!!
Comment by pam — April 25, 2008 #
HI-larious! OMG - you had me laughing so hard that tea came out my nose - thanks a lot dude! Sheesh. Next time I will not take a gulp of tea before reading your blog….WORD!
Comment by Lori O'Leary — April 25, 2008 #
Great story! You had me laughing out loud!!
I love reading your blog and have withdrawal if you don’t post for a couple of days.
Keep up the good work, both on air and in writing!
Comment by Bri — April 25, 2008 #
And there’s the official welcoming crew of Texas! The bird that attacked you is probably our wonderful “official” state bird…the Mockingbird! They are mean, mean, mean! I can’t tell you how many times my dog has come in from the backyard with pecked out spots on her head from our resident Mockingbird. I’ve been attacked myself a couple of times. Just be careful! It’s illegal to harm these birds…no matter how mean they are!
Comment by Michele — April 25, 2008 #
You crack me up!!!! The mental image of you & the attack bird, had me cracking up…Thanks for the laugh…
Comment by mary — April 25, 2008 #
Sounds like either a mockingbird or a blue jay. Both protected, yet really easy to hit with a pellet gun or a blow-gun–at least that is what the guy that sits out in my driveway every night thinks. =)
two words…tennis racket.
Comment by Anonymous innocent person — April 25, 2008 #
that is so funny. you are indeed a trip and always bring some laughter into my day.
Comment by Alexis — April 25, 2008 #
yes it IS hard to walk 2 dogs at once!! but don’t you have chihuahuas? try walking 2 malamutes at the same time…….THAT is HARD!!!! loved the blog, sooo funny!!
Comment by Marsha — April 25, 2008 #
I just love you to death JC. Thank you for finally blogging again, I missed you so much when you hadn’t blogged for about a month a while back. I guess it’s not really nice to wish that stuff keeps happening to you but you seem to have been put on this earth for the sole purpose of entertaining us, so MORE POWER TO THE BIRDS! LOL
Comment by Shannon — April 25, 2008 #
Birds usually do that when they’re protecting their nests…..you may have come too close to one.
Comment by anon — April 25, 2008 #
I agree with Michelle…Mocking birds are crazy mean. Hurting them is only illegal if you get caught…like picking bluebonnets.
Comment by Brittany M. — April 25, 2008 #
OMG I am sitting here by myself laughing out loud like a crazy person! Squak, eerrp, paaak … Bimp…. LOL!
Comment by Michelle — April 26, 2008 #
I can just hear you telling this in my head…you are too funny!
Comment by Nikki — April 28, 2008 #
thank you for making your font easier to read!
Comment by camille — April 28, 2008 #
Jsi that was greatness! Poor thing, if it makes ya feel any better they only contact I’ve had with birds was 3 different occasions they flew into my car (2 in the grill and one on the windshield!! I think they all survived but idk, I was so freaked out I didn’t stop to look. Anyways, I hope you stay with Kidd forever, or take his place when he retires bc we all love ya!
xo
Amber
Comment by Amber — April 29, 2008 #
I almost died of laughter. At least the bird didn’t poop on you. I would watch for a come back.
Comment by Elvia — May 1, 2008 #
hil-freggin-larious!!! Seriously, im reading at work, and sitting in my little section of cube-farm-dom, and lol’ing big time.!!
Comment by Justin — May 1, 2008 #
Que chistoso eres J-SI! Me encanta tu Blog! Saludos (Shout OUT)! =)
Comment by Claudia — May 2, 2008 #