I saw and accident…
April 22, 2008 at 4:52 pm | In Uncategorized |Howdy folks!!! Kinsey’s sister left… I have to say it was a very successful visit other than the large amounts of money I spent on dinners and drinks… THANK YOU TAX TIME!!!! She had fun, Kinsey had fun, Dex had fun, I had fun, Delilah got diarrhea… all and all a good time. I did see Tony Romo celebrating his birthday with Jessica Simpson. They were making out and having a great time. I know celebrities are normal people… but it’s weird to actually see them acting like everyone else inside the club. Jessica did point at me when I was near her and she said “brown chicken brown coooow!!!” She remembered the joke from our interview!!! Yup, she wants me… as bad as she wants a swift kick to the left shoulder… the back on the shoulder if you wanted to get all technical.
Now let’s get to the HOLY CRAP! moment of the day. I witnessed my first motorcycle accident yesterday. I was headed to my favorite store… Target… and as I was arriving to the light it turned red so I patiently waited to make my right hand turn. As soon as the light turned green I noticed a motorcycle accelerating pretty quickly and next to him a pretty good looking girl in a Jetta… yeah, he was doing the show off deal to look like a SADOB (super awesome dude on bike). He then proceeded to quickly go into wheelie mode. His bike started to wiggle a bit, my eyes quickly got big and I no longer looked Asian. I knew it was gonna happen, I felt it in my stomach. The girl in the Jetta had stopped after noticing what was happening. After a few feet of wiggle action the guy slipped off the back and the bike slammed to the ground creating little sparks as it slid. I knew the guy would be ok because of lack of speed and cars, I now called him a SAC (super awesome crasher). As the guy was sliding right behind the bike and all I kept thinking was… Oh, this is scary yet so freaking awesome at the same time. As soon as the guy stopped I put my hazards on along with the guy behind me and we both ran towards the bike dude. A couple people from the shop had come out too and the girl in the Jetta was next to her car calling 911.
As we approached the guy on the road all we heard was a low groaning sound like when a guy gets hit in The Mexico part of the body. He groaned for a few minutes. So the genius next to me asked, “Are you ok?” I looked at him in disbelief thinking, “this guy just slid 25 feet on asphalt, is groaning and his shoe fell off… yeah he is chipper!!!” The guy managed to get on his knees, still groaning (if you ever watch Family Guy, think of Peter when he gets hurt, that’s what he sounded like). We told him we called 911 and he said, “I don’t need it, I don’t have insurance.” Now I may be onto something here but would you have health insurance if you were going to drive a deadly speeding machine with no airbags? He then manages to stand up which made me want to puke as soon as I saw the road burn on his leg, yes he had jeans on and the road decided to borrow the right side of his pants. He then asked, “Man, what did I hit?” the guy next to me said, “Nothing, you just lost control.” So the biker replies, “I must have hit a pot hole.” So I said, “Nah, the road is pretty smooth, I think you may have hit that huge bump called your ego.” Just kidding I didn’t say the last part and good thing I didn’t because it’s pretty corny. He then picked up the bike and limped it over to a parking spot in the little shopping center that was just feet from where he crashed and everyone went on their way. I offered to buy the bike from him for 20 bucks… he said 50, so I said 30 and a ride home; he said 45 and a ride home. I then walked to try to call his bluff. He didn’t call it so I ended up with no bike.
Moral of the story: Wheelies are cool, but dorks who crash trying to do a wheelie to impress a random girl who they will never talk to them because rat tails went out in the early 90’s are AWESOME!!!
WORD!!!!
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haha! funny story!
quirky sense of humor….kinsey’s a lucky girl :p
Comment by Jewels — April 22, 2008 #
my best friend just got into a motorcyle accident. I was right behind him. I pretty much watched in horror as a truck failed to yield at a yield sign and smacked right into him. him and the other girl he was with flew into the air. but unfortunely they didn’t walk away with a bruised ego and a few cuts . they both died. they were only 20. it is an image I will never forget . I just wish people would be more carefully. the women walked away with only a failure to yield ticket. she took my closest friends lives and that’s all she gets.
Comment by toni — April 22, 2008 #
I love your stories. They are funny. By the way, what a sweet thing for you to take that girl to the prom. She’s very lucky to have you as a date and I wish I had half as much fun at my senior prom as I know she will have. Have a great rest of the day.
Comment by nikitafromgeorgia — April 22, 2008 #
I like all your blogs they are funny.
You always find a way to make them very entertaining.
Comment by Lupe — April 23, 2008 #
I love that you’re taking that girl to the prom! I used to live in New Orleans and when I heard that she was from Covington, I thought “how cool!”. You’re a sweet guy for doing that.
Emily
http://www.twodogsrunningsouth.blogspot.com/
Comment by Emily — April 23, 2008 #
JC you are hilarious and very talented. You might not be able to edit a video (even though you said you could) but you write really well. Are you related to Dianthe?!
Comment by Dee — April 24, 2008 #
I had a similar situation happen to me, but when I fell, I fell down a canyon and into a raging river. It was Mexico 1978. I was running from a posse of bandidos. You see I had rescued a beautiful young lady that had been taken from her family. While I was riding across the hot unforgiving dessert she asked me,”What is your name my young and strong handsome savior.” I replied,”Tomas Julian D’Antonio Vasquez Salazar.” She then said, “Well Tomas Julian D’Antonio Vasquez Salazar, I’m hungry.” What was I to do? We were in the middle of the dessert. So I asked her,”Do you like chicken?” she replied,”Yes, why, are you part chicken?” I said,”No, but you’ll see. Hide behind this giant rock and I’ll be right back.” Now that I knew she had a favor for chicken I had to get the next best thing for her, so I through myself on the floor, and played dead. When the first vulture hovered over me, I SNATCHED IT OUT OF THE SKY! I gathered some mesquite wood together and proceeded to create a fire. There was one problem though, I had no matches. It was a good thing that my faithful and loyal horse Chi-Chi wore bifocals. I said to Chi-Chi, I said,”CHI-CHI, give me your glasses, and hurry, we have a starving young lady to feed.” With Chi-Chi’s bifocals I used the suns harsh rays to create a laser beam of sunlight to start a fire. After finishing our delicious meal I noticed the bandidos had caught up to us. So I yelled,”AYYEEE,YAYAYI, lets get out of here.” See even though that vulture had nourished us, the beautiful BBQ, mesquite, chicken smell led the bandidos straight to us. Well that and they were only three minutes behind us the whole time. So we ran, and ran into the desert and lost them. I then came upon a canyon. While we were resting I started to show off and popped a wheelie with my hoarse. I guess that’s is what you would call it when you make the horse’s front hooves raise up in the air and neigh like a lion claiming his desert jungle. Well, this led all three of us to fall down the canyon in the raging river down below. When I finally came to, me and Chi-Chi were on one side and the beautiful lady I had rescued was on the opposite side of the raging river. It so happen that her family came to meet up with her, on her side of the river. We try to shout to one another, but the rage of the river was to loud. A storm then came in and forced us onto our separate paths. That’s when I realized, I never even new her name, and that’s what I get for showing off and popping a wheelie on my horse. You have heard just one of many short stories from me, Tomas Julian D’Antonio Vasquez Salazar. This story also took place in Mexico, 1978, I was born 1975, so that made me only three years of age when this story took place.
Comment by Tomas — April 24, 2008 #
JC,
I just read your blog and you are hilarious. I get a kick out of your blogs all the time. Thanks for the laughs. I really love the show and am so glad you are a part of it.
Keep up the great work!
Comment by Claudia — April 24, 2008 #
THAT IS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST STORIES I’VE EVER READ! THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS!
Comment by Terry — May 3, 2008 #
Its best to learn to wheelie a dirt bike first =D. Hes lucky he didn’t hit another car with his bike. Lifes tough on one wheel! haha
Comment by Andrew — June 28, 2008 #